Fear

It was once said, ""The only thing we have to fear is fear it'self - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." FDR - First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933.

That is so true. Fear paralyzes people. Keeps them idle, afraid of change, of advancement. At least for me it does. I am afraid of so much it borderlines on neurotic. I am afraid of roller coasters because they could fall, well they could. I am afraid of heights. I am afraid of hurting feelings. I am afraid of what people say about me behind my back, this really bothers me. I am afraid of driving on the ice, of my husband being out in bad weather, of him never coming home, of losing my parents, of losing my children, of fire, of dying, of standing out in the crowd, of not being noticed, of being left out. This irrational fear that I feel all too often paralyzes me, makes me want to curl up into the fetal position and stay where I am.

How terrible I feel when I tell my kids no, mommy is afraid to get on that roller coaster. Mommy is afraid to climb that high. I don't want to hold them back from conquering but I want to hold them close and not let them go. To protect them from the fear that I feel, not them.

I have given fear a lot of thought these past few days. I get butterflies in my tummy thinking of the "what if". I know for better mental health I need to let go of the fear that holds me back. I want to be like Kevin in Home Alone when he looks at the furnace that that kept him from going into the basement and say, "shut up."

Now to start that. To put one foot in front of the other and say, "shut up," to that fear that stands between me and the destiny that I know awaits me. Sigh.