Happy New Year

Remember....
The people you love...
The places you're a part of...
The memories you hold on to...
And those unforgettable moments when you close your eyes and breathe in life with a smile.

A new year is a reminder to celebrate all the things that are good in your world.

Happy New Year from the Pickle Family

Resolutions

I do not believe in resolutions.

My past experience with resolutions has always been a set up for failure. Why do we think because it is a new year that we need to write a recipe for change ourselves? Why do we think that it will be easier to change ourselves because the year is changing? Why don't we say we are going to make our change on July 1st? What is so magical about January 1st?

Goals are much more realistic. People set goals each and every day. You have goals at school, goals at work, goals for your future, past goals, present goals, future goals, attained goals, failed goals. Goals are much more realistic.

My overall goal? To be the best me I can be. Simple, right?

Not really.

The best me is 200 pounds lighter. But not just fat wise. Part of the weight I carry deals with the inner me. I need to be less critical. I need to be more spontaneous, less afraid. I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better housekeeper. I want to actually like certain members of my family instead of only loving them because I have to. I have to be less negative, see the good instead of the bad. I want to look forward to things instead of trying to think of ways to get out of them. I need to be the best me possible.

So, I start. Before the new year on just an average day. The goal is possible, within reach. But it will take alot of hard work, perseverance and patience. It will take soul searching, motivation, confidence and, most of all, faith in myself.

I believe in goals.

But most of all...

I believe in myself.

© 2008-2009 Wicked Pickles-Homefront Lines

Egg Substitutes

In my quest for better health this coming year I have been trying different lower fat/lower cholesterol egg substitutes....read more on my cooking blog....Home Front Cooking

Day Book

FOR TODAY December 29, 2008...

Outside My Window it is very grey. I see the across the street neighbors gas light with the red bow tied around it. (I wish we had one...lol)
I am thinking about the remarks and actions of extended family last night.

I am thankful for my husband. He works so hard and has changed so much. I am proud of him.

From the learning rooms we will start writing prompts, watch the Jelly Belly factory tour, work on a time capsule, draw for Sketch Tuesday and play a round of the dictionary game. Music practice will also be a main event.

From the kitchen I am hoping we get bagels made this week.

I am wearing black sweats and a hot pink t-shirt.

I am creating: an environment that will honor my husband more. I feel, especially after the actions of last evening, that he feels as if he will never break out of the mold his family has created from his youth. He works hard, loves us and needs to feel more appreciated.

I am going to be taking the kiddos to piano this week. We also need to deliver the fundraiser items to the kid's customers since we forgot while we were at my MIL's.

I am reading Tips for Successful Kids Chores.

I am hoping I can break out of this funk that I find myself in after last night.

I am hearing the local news play in the background.

Around the house I see what I have not accomplished from the last two weeks.

One of my favorite things is talking to good friends on the phone.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: I really have no plans this week other than the usual cleaning, laundry, cooking and schooling.

Here is picture thought I am sharing. This was the angel Chip made for our ficus Christmas tree this year. I absolutely love his enginuity and spirit.

FOR TODAY December 22, 2008 (a day late)

Outside My Window... is snow, snow and more snow. Watching the neighbors Hawkeye flag blow straight out tells me the wind is still whipping making it bitterly cold. I think the high today is supposed to be -4.

I am thankful for...my family. Without the support of my family I think I would go crazy at times.

From the learning rooms...we are continuing to studying the human body using The Human Body Skeletal and Muscular Systems (REM 653). Dill will continue The Holocaust lapbook from Hands of a Child.

From the kitchen...Christmas baking is being done. Chocolate covered cherry cookies, whole wheat snicker doodles, self frosting oatmeal cookies and granola bars.

I am wearing...a grey t-shirt, black capris, white socks and my grey tennies.

I am going...to relax and take it easy this week.

I am reading...Live and Learn and Pass It On Volume II by H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I am hoping...for the picklets to have a memory filled Christmas.

I am creating...what I hope to be a new lifestyle for us.

I am hearing...the computer hum.

Around the house...I see clutter. The whole house needs an overhaul before Wednesday night. Guess I know what I will be doing today.

One of my favorite things...is sitting down to a cup of coffee with Cool before the picklet get up.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Tackling mount laundry, going through the boxes in the dining room, getting ready for the holidays and relaxing.

Here is picture I am sharing...I think this is my favorite pictures from my aunt's wedding. My dad and my hubby talking before the ceremony. Both of them in ties, looking handsome.

Update

I went to the doctor yesterday. My thyroid came back perfect, my blood count came back perfect. The monitor results showed some arrhythmia. The doctor said it is not hurting anything. It is more of an annoyance. It seems to me if the heart is doing something it shouldn't it is a concern but he isn't concerned.

I didn't get lipids done so have to go back in to have those. Another poke...hate that.

I was given the OK to exercise again so I will start up with Walk Away the Pounds 1 mile.

The sleep test has been set up for January 2.

He has me continuing the blood pressure meds and started me on an antidepressant for anxiety. Seems I have issues with that. Who'd a thunk???

I am so fricken tired today that I can barely stand. I don't know why. I need to get the Christmas tree up and the house picked up. Cool will be home early because we are due to get ice and snow this afternoon.

Wouldn't it be nice to have all that done before he gets home? Maybe after a nap. Sigh.

Day Book

FOR TODAY December 15, 2008

Outside My Window... I see clear blue skies with the sun shining brightly. The bare trees are whispering a story.

I am thinking...that the longer I sit here the more my mind is going to wander. I really should get up and get something done.

I am thankful for... all that is. Everything is beautiful this morning and I am thankful for that.

From the learning rooms...we are going to be studying the human body using The Human Body Skeletal and Muscular Systems (REM 653). Dill will be starting The Holocaust lapbook from Hands of a Child.

From the kitchen...we will be making jello to represent cells. We also need to make cookies for a cookie exchange and pickle finger foods for a hoers devours get together this week.

I am wearing...a stained t-shirt, my red hoodie, black capris, white socks and Cool's slippers...I am styling!

I am creating...new eating habits for our family.

I am going...to the doctor on Wednesday and am very nervous about that.

I am reading...Walk Away the Pounds by Leslie Sansone.

I am hoping...for a clean bill of health.

I am hearing...the furnace running.

Around the house...no one is stirring. The living room is clean as well as the kitchen. The laundry room and dining room stand is disarray.

One of my favorite things...is watching the picklets sleep.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Tackling mount laundry, going through the boxes in the dining room, getting ready for the holidays and relaxing.

Here is picture I am sharing... Sweet and Petite participating in a relay race during Family Fun Night last week. I love the look of determination on Petite's face, the laughing smile on Sweets face and the laughing look from their friend sitting on the radiator. It was a riot.

© 2008 Wicked Pickles-Homefront Lines

Fear

It was once said, ""The only thing we have to fear is fear it'self - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." FDR - First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933.

That is so true. Fear paralyzes people. Keeps them idle, afraid of change, of advancement. At least for me it does. I am afraid of so much it borderlines on neurotic. I am afraid of roller coasters because they could fall, well they could. I am afraid of heights. I am afraid of hurting feelings. I am afraid of what people say about me behind my back, this really bothers me. I am afraid of driving on the ice, of my husband being out in bad weather, of him never coming home, of losing my parents, of losing my children, of fire, of dying, of standing out in the crowd, of not being noticed, of being left out. This irrational fear that I feel all too often paralyzes me, makes me want to curl up into the fetal position and stay where I am.

How terrible I feel when I tell my kids no, mommy is afraid to get on that roller coaster. Mommy is afraid to climb that high. I don't want to hold them back from conquering but I want to hold them close and not let them go. To protect them from the fear that I feel, not them.

I have given fear a lot of thought these past few days. I get butterflies in my tummy thinking of the "what if". I know for better mental health I need to let go of the fear that holds me back. I want to be like Kevin in Home Alone when he looks at the furnace that that kept him from going into the basement and say, "shut up."

Now to start that. To put one foot in front of the other and say, "shut up," to that fear that stands between me and the destiny that I know awaits me. Sigh.

Working Out or Lack There Of

Tuesday our supervising teacher loaned me the 1 Mile video by Leslie Sandsone. I tried it out. I felt great! I couldn't believe how alive my muscles felt. After the 15 minute or so workout I sat down to take my pulse. I can never find my pulse on my wrist so I use a stethoscope. A little overboard I know, but it works. As I was listening and counting I noticed my heart skipped a beat four different times! I have been having fluttering feelings for a couple of weeks and now I know what the feeling was. I called and made an appointment with the doctor for 3:30 that afternoon.

At the doctors office I found out exactly how much I weigh. OMG! Holy Crap! And other things I shouldn't say in writing. That was just the beginning. I found that my blood pressure is high. It has never, ever been high but after the second and third reading we found it is really high. We also found my heart is beating too fast. All of this is a concern to Doc.

He prescribed a blood pressure medicine. He also ordered blood tests, a sleep study and for me to wear a 48 hour Holter Monitor to see what is going on. He said it could be as simple as the blood pressure or an out of wack thyroid. It could also be as serious as a blockage or AF.

The idea of an antidepressant was thrown around for the seasonal aspect of life. I have always had a problem with that. But he decided he would rather wait and get the heart thing taken care of before throwing different medications at me. Makes sense.

The kicker? "Exercise is a good thing but not right now. Absolutely no exercise until we find out what is going on." Laughing out loud on this one. I finally decide I want to exercise and then I am told I can't? Sigh.

I am on the second day of my 48 hours. I have had my blood tests and am waiting the appointment for my sleep study. I have an appointment with the doctor on Wednesday to go over results and be told I need to lose weight, eat low fat, low sodium etc...

Now for my panic to set in. I was told by my MIL that a friend of hers had routine blood tests done. He was feeling great, nothing wrong just yearly blood tests. The results come back and he found out he has leukemia. I tend to have hypocrondriac tendencies. Those of you who really know me know that. So, as I am waiting for Wednesday to come I am thinking about our friend who just died of cancer, MIL's friend who found out he has leukemia from routine blood tests, my dad and his cardiac encounter and my children. It is going to be a long week.

A Beginning

I have noticed lately that I have gained about a zillion pounds. Well maybe not a zillion but a good 25 over the past year. That does not include the extra 75 that I have been carrying since my hysterectomy 4 years ago. I have now noticed that the extra weight has turned into fat and doesn't look good...in fact it looks down right disgusting. The fact is, obese doesn't look good on me.

The scare my dad had last week really woke me up. If he, who is not terribly overweight, walks 2-3 miles everyday, works actively in the yard, camps, hikes and gets general exercise can have that big of a problem, then what about me? I am a good 75 pounds overweight, I have a teenager who does most of the yard work, the farthest I walk is from the van to the door and my daily exercise generally includes my fingers running across the keyboard. I am afeared that I am going to be in some serious trouble if I don't get a handle on this NOW!

I have, slowly, been trying to eat healthier. Low fat is always on my mind. (baking includes applesauce and flax seed as alternatives) I have taken to eating mostly vegetarian. (I eat vegetarian during the week and only 1 serving of meat on the weekends) I have kicked the soda pop habit, almost. (I will drink a diet pop if I am at my mom and dads house) I have been turning down candy and sweets the picklets offer me. I have not been buying high fat, high sugar, high calorie convenience foods to keep in the house. I make sure I eat plenty of veggies, though my fruit intake has not been where it should be. It isn't much, but it is a start.

My goal for the rest of the month is to exercise at least 2 days a week. It might be riding my recumbent bike or walking the treadmill, and when my order arrives, I will be doing this. I am also going to be conscience of my stress levels and keep a journal of my stress. I highly think my stress and overeating go hand in hand.

So, good or bad, that is my plan, at least for December. I am hoping I can add to my "workout" by winning this. Lori at A Cowboy's Wife is giving away 1 10 minute trainer and 1 $15.oo gift certificate to Subway. If you have time, click on over and sign up! Though I hope you don't win. ;-) ;-) ;-)